• pickledtillyour92

The Bat and the Anteater

Updated: Jun 30

When a beautiful bat, with a horseshoe nose, accidentally spat, on an anteater blowing his nose, a Chinaman on his way to Wuhan froze, and said, ‘Well I’ll be damned, if it’s not the scaliest anteater of the land, I could sell it at market for a sack of yen, and be back home for pork dumplings by ten.'


Oo lovely Anteater! O scaly Anteater, What a beautiful Anteater you are! You are,

You are! What a beautiful Anteater you are!




Our Chinaman, whose name is Wang, Went straight to see Madame Mustang. He proudly presented his precious anteater, falling off her chair, she declared ‘we’ll keep her, we’ll keep her!’ Oo lovely Anteater! O scaly Anteater, What a beautiful Anteater you are!

Madame cleared a space in the window, and put him next to the pink flamingo. The snakes and the apes rattled their cages, 'Relegation by Anteater,' not a headline they’d seen since the middle ages!

Oo lovely Anteater! O scaly Anteater,

What a beautiful Anteater you are! Docteur Luli was taking a stroll, when suddenly he thought he saw a troll, he approached the window of the pink flamingo, and saw the most beautiful anteater, it was bingo!

Oo lovely Anteater! O scaly Anteater,

What a beautiful Anteater you are! At home in his lavatoire, he washed and shaved, and put him in a bell jar. He boiled him, cooked him, juiced him all up, condensed him into an egg cup.



A sticker was put on the egg cup,

‘Apply to all forms of make-up, This will make you young and pretty forever, You’ll light up like a buttercup, whomsoever, And you’ll never have to worry about wrinkles again, take a spoonful a day just before your chow mein!'



Soon every girl in the land wanted to eat, anteaters with her chow mein as a treat. Markets went wild, rationing began, one per a child, and two for the government man.

Oo lovely Anteater! O scaly Anteater,

What a beautiful Anteater you are!

Since there were no more anteaters to eat, ants grew in number on the streets, swarms of ants the size of french fries, attacked anyone with two legs and two eyes.

A new law of the jungle was laid, without the beautiful anteaters to slay, the beastly ants allied with the horseshow bats, from the penthouse flats of the city bureaucrats!

You see the clever little ants had realized, that their legs alone would not let them colonise, the abundant lands of the human race, they needed to wage war by air and outpace, the cat mein eating human database.

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